I'm not pregnant.

I texted a friend the other day and told her I thought I was pregnant because I was tired all the time. When I was pregnant with Ruby, that was how I knew I was with child: I was ex-haaaaausted. Falling asleep in class, come home from school and lay on the couch all night, fall-asleep-at-8-and-sleep-for-12-hours-on-a-regular-basis kind of exhausted.

Well, I'm 95% sure I'm not pregnant. Wanna know how I know?

Because every 32 days or so (I'm not your run-of-the-mill woman; my clocks a little off) I go spiraling into the pits of despair, and it goes something like this:

Y: I am going to clean out *Dave's car for him.
X: Seriously? (scoff, eyebrow-raise)
Y: Yes seriously, is that a problem? (a little snippy, impatient now {after all they have this conversation every 32 days})
X: Well why do you have to do favors for everyone else, except for me? (It's because you don't love me, ISN'T IT!!!!!)
Y: Dave didn't ask me to do this. (duh, I'm just a nice guy.)
X: Then why are you doing it when I have asked you to do favors and they never get done, EVER. (emphasis on the EVER)
Y: Why do you have to be like this? (seriously girl, you crazy.)
X: Why do you have to be so selfish, and RUDE, and why won't you run a half marathon with me?! WHY DON'T YOU EVER BRING ME BREAKFAST IN BED?! (probably yelling now, blood pumping, heart rate increasing)
------X storms off-------
{In X's brain}: Y is so selfish and unreliable. I bet Bethany's husband does her favors ALL the time. Probably brings her flowers too. They probably go on sunset walks and he surprises her with dates to see musicals. Why can't Y be that good to me?

and BLA BLA BLAAAAA


Then after said meltdown I hope and pray that I wake up in the morning with cramps because then I feel less crazy and have something real to blame it on. (PMS is a real thing, didn't you know?)

(completely irrational, right?)

Remember my post about instagram and jealousy? Well guess what. I still suck at not getting envious of other people's fake-perfect lives. Now, I don't want to turn this into a blog about my journey to getting over this.... setback? trial? personality trait?.... that I am have. I really think everyone is affected by this (don't lie!) I just wanted to tell you something you may not have known about me:

I. Hate. Hormones.

I really do.






* Names have been changed to protect the innocent.